Hello my friends,
so good to see you again
I trust you have been well.
I would like to say that I'm not afraid, here near the end. I take childish comfort in saying to myself that I am awaiting Emily's arrival before the end. A simple belief, to meet someone who has taken the time to chat with me, to peer into my strange world. I have a strange fascination with her, I believe. I cannot understand why I am drawn to someone I have not met. She is not the sole person who has written to me, I cannot place my finger on it. I suppose it is best not to ponder such things, late at night, waiting for the world to end. But when a new day dawns, perhaps that is the perfect moment to do so.
And yet, here I am alone tonight, my temporary houseguests have retreated back to their own home. I have never seen my abode so empty, the lack of footsteps, conversation. I've taken to leaving the television on just for a bit of company. I wish them well, for while I tried to be an excellent host, there is only so much one can do in another's home.
I remember lying awake in the hospital, just wanting to know what day it was. Just wanting to be able to scratch an ankle, or drink a delicious glass of orange juice. I recall one day, simply being obsessed at knowing what time it was. I wasn't sure if it were day or night, I simply had been so out of communication that I had become disoriented.
I advise those of you who visit relatives in the hospital, to bring a newspaper for them to read. It may be filled with nothing of particular interest, but it is a connection to the world. It is also exceedingly useful to crumple up and throw at the nurses when you cannot reach your 'call nurse' button.
I promised Emily today that I would let her write a little bit on my blog before the end. I also promised not to read it. I think that time is coming soon, don't you? I haven't seen my foe for several weeks, and yet I feel he is closer than ever. He weighs on my mind, as I ponder his inscrutable desires.
When Emily shows, it will end. I am looking forward to it.
Until the very end,
Call Me Nil.