Friday, June 10, 2011

No denying the inevitable

Hello my friends,
so good to see you again
I trust you have been well.

I would like to say that I'm not afraid, here near the end.  I take childish comfort in saying to myself that I am awaiting Emily's arrival before the end.  A simple belief, to meet someone who has taken the time to chat with me, to peer into my strange world.  I have a strange fascination with her, I believe.  I cannot understand why I am drawn to someone I have not met.  She is not the sole person who has written to me, I cannot place my finger on it.  I suppose it is best not to ponder such things, late at night, waiting for the world to end.  But when a new day dawns, perhaps that is the perfect moment to do so.

And yet, here I am alone tonight, my temporary houseguests have retreated back to their own home.  I have never seen my abode so empty, the lack of footsteps, conversation.  I've taken to leaving the television on just for a bit of company.  I wish them well, for while I tried to be an excellent host, there is only so much one can do in another's home.  

I remember lying awake in the hospital, just wanting to know what day it was.  Just wanting to be able to scratch an ankle, or drink a delicious glass of orange juice.  I recall one day, simply being obsessed at knowing what time it was.  I wasn't sure if it were day or night, I simply had been so out of communication that I had become disoriented.

I advise those of you who visit relatives in the hospital, to bring a newspaper for them to read.  It may be filled with nothing of particular interest, but it is a connection to the world.  It is also exceedingly useful to crumple up and throw at the nurses when you cannot reach your 'call nurse' button.

I promised Emily today that I would let her write a little bit on my blog before the end.  I also promised not to read it.  I think that time is coming soon, don't you?   I haven't seen my foe for several weeks, and yet I feel he is closer than ever.  He weighs on my mind, as I ponder his inscrutable desires.

When Emily shows, it will end.  I am looking forward to it.

Until the very end,
Call Me Nil.