Saturday, April 2, 2011

Relationships formed

We're friends now, I hope.
I can feel a special bond with you, my reader.
It is one that merits honesty and openness, and yet I know not your name.
I suppose it is alright, you don't have to tell me your secrets, and yet I can be laid bare like a book.

It can be a crazy world, can it not?

Shall we talk about something different today?  We've talked about 'the instinctive link between all things', and I've spouted a great deal of nonsense and self-aggrandizing eloquence so far, I am sure!  How about today we talk about Fate and Destiny?

Or how about we talk about me some more instead?

I drove a bit today.  I can still drive even if something so simple does leave me winded since my hospital stay.  I met up with a deal of friends, some old, some new, and some of which are very special.  One of which is a young boy I like to call my nephew.  There is no blood relation, I have simply known his father for my entire life, and have been honored to call him my best friend for that span.  So this boy is my nephew, you see, there simply isn't any denying such a bond.    I sat with them as they played cards, I failed miserably at a few multiplayer shoot-em games, and just as well at some other fighting games.  It was fun, really.  As I left, my nephew came out into the dark to give me one last hug before I drove back early, as I was eager to get home before the rain.

I had made a dessert for everyone today, it wasn't complicated but I was so thrilled to reciprocate all the compassion and love I have gotten from these people, even if in confectionery form.  So I drove back, the sky alight with cloud lightning, rain splattering upon my window.  It was quite dark, and my eyes never were so good in the night.  I could have easily missed a turn and driven off road.  In fact, in my youth, I had a dream very much like that.

Today...would have been an okay day to die. 

Everything was left on a good note, I had a wonderful hug from my nephew, and I had honored time among my friends.  But alas it was not today that I died!

I awoke after the strange melange of memories, emotions and colors that presented me the symphony that is Blue.  I was in a bus terminal with strangers.  Some would appear, some would fade, some never moved once.  I could not escape the ennui of the place, nor could I just leave the terminal until something was done.

Self-Admittance.  I had to admit my darkest fear, my darkest secret.  I had to lay bare before I could really move on in my life.  I had found I could not do such a thing!  I wallowed in despair and ignorance, refusing to just admit my issues...and so I wandered the wastes of Oblivion at the end, after damning myself to shame and denial.  Years passed, years upon years, eons upon eons.  I had forgotten food, I had no memory of water, and language was erased from my world, until a strange figure spoke to me.  He told me of my potential, my promises, and coaxed me to admit my personal truth.

Years ago, when I was but a callous youth.  I severely beat two young boys for no reason than them being of a different race than me, and left them in a ditch.

This brutal act had never actually happened, of course, but it was a role I was forced to partake in.  I consider it now to be a level of empathy that I have never felt before.

Until the next sad time, please, I implore you...
Call Me Nil.